i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
