Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
