oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She bit a glass in half.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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