Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
