Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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