don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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