Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
