My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
