had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
