She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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