Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
