Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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