wakey wakey hands off snakey
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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