So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
