I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
