actually, I'm a sock model
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
