return my video game
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
