She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
