ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
