i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
