ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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