there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Holy shit dude........stairs
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
