Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
