btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
