Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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