She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
