I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
