need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
