Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
