i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
