That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it's like iHOP with fire
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
