i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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