i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
