I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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