you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i think we sleep fucked last night...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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