so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
