I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
