I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
People in love make me want to vomit
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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