I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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