her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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