I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
