the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
