I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
