this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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