Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
