i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
