why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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