Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
