I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
this just has baby written all over it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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