He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
