so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
