i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
