I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
