I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
being pregnant is like rehab
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
