So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
