Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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