i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
