the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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