The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need a beard to bite.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
