Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
